Monday, November 7, 2011

Untitled 51

These days (cue the Black Keys) I feel at peace. Initially I was going to use "content" to describe the overall state of my mood, but I do not think I am content. I am after things, endeavors. However, I am at peace with the reality of Now and being engaged in the quest for specific endeavors to come. I appreciate the conditions I am currently experiencing. The inevitable swoons come and go; the ennui of being stationary, feeling dissatisfied from time to time; frustration from not flitting from place to place like a bumblebee going from flower to flower to take in the sweet stuff. But my orientation to the affective downswings is open. I embrace these experiences. I reflect to maintain awareness of my moods and what influences them; I critically analyze in introspection to understand these conditions of myself; I accept the conditions of the self; I accept the conditions of my Being for what they are: fleeting, nonstatic conditions influenced by context that will come and go, so long as I open up to the experiencing of them without pushing them away or grasping to hold onto something else, something more desirable. It is a nonchalant letting go. Realizing and accepting the conditions of my reality allows me to be malleable myself, forming with the river of reality's flow, not being a stubborn stone which refuses to accept the constant change and grounding myself in vain. To attempt to remain in a place, a state of mind, is a futile act, just as the stone will slowly be broken down by the river's consistently moving current, so too will I be broken down in any attempt to maintain a controlling hold onto my life. Instead I must act in accordance with the River, which simply flows with no pretension of staying put, no desire for the comfort of stability.

Only our culturally shaped perception can lead us to believe in changeless forms and a static nature of reality. With the cultural lens on, we see a false reality, a non-reality. A static vision of reality and of ourselves, that there is something fixed and permanent about each of "us", as well as our surroundings, is put on the pedestal of truth, not for its inherent correctness, but because we place it there. We conspire cooperatively to disguise the the true nature of existence. Collective insanity looks no different than collective sanity.

Existence is fragile. It is perpetual change. It is movement. It is movement towards our own demise, our death. Moods are temporary. Conditions are fleeting. Conditions we enjoy (happy ones) as well as that we do not (sadness, frustration, etc.). We foolishly seek to lay hold of only the experiences we desire; we attempt to fill our life solely with that elusive concept of happiness. Our desires control us and the way we engage with our realities. We attempt to have experience grounded in something more reassuring than constant change. We try to get our lives together, piece by piece, into a state that fits our desires. As if life can be piece-mealed together! But this is like grasping for the river and thinking you can catch it, though as soon as you extend your open palms, fingers outstretched to snatch the river, the water has already moved and continues to move on downstream.

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